Making New Friends As An Adult

When it comes to our physical and mental health, good friendships are as important as eating nutritiously, exercise and mindful movement. This is especially true as we get older, yet making new friends as an adult can be somewhat of a challenge.

It’s Never Too Late

Maybe you are lucky and you have always had a good group of friends in your life, or maybe you have moved and you are faced with making new friends. Whatever the case, know this: it’s never too late to make a new friend.

Sometimes it can seem like people are all settled in their social circles and it can feel difficult to know how to meet people and cultivate friendships.

How do you get beyond the acquaintance stage? What does it take?

Making New Friends When You’re Shy

I’m a somewhat introverted person – INFJ, if you’re into the Myers-Briggs personality tests – who has never had a big group of friends. I have a number of individual friends, with probably a handful who I’d consider to be in the closest inner circle.

Arriving in France 10 years ago, I wasn’t sure how easy it would be to meet new people and gain meaningful friendships. In some ways, I was afraid to reach out to acquaintances because I thought they were busy with their kids or already socially set up in their own circle of friends.

It was when other people started reaching out to me that it hit me: as in dating, you need to propose activities to others and show an interest in hanging out.

It was so obvious, but not necessarily something I had actively considered.

Of course, sometimes you just aren’t on the same wavelength, or maybe somebody truly is busy with his or her kids, but showing an interest goes a long way.

We all want to be seen, heard and accepted.

I’m absolutely thrilled to have made some good friends here in France and am careful to nurture these relationships through checking in, sending a quick message or planning outings together. 

Reaching Out

The idea of reaching out is of the utmost importance. When you reach out to a friend, or potential friend, you are showing them that you care and are interested.

Think about how you feel when someone suggests hanging out together: Are you somewhat flattered? Do you let your guard down?

I can think of a few moments in my life when I was thinking about asking potential friends out for a walk, a coffee or a meal, but something stopped me.

It was fear.

I was afraid of being rejected or of being a bother, so I didn’t act. When situations changed, or people moved away, it felt like a lost opportunity.

Nurturing Friendships

Once you’ve made friends, how do you nurture those friendships? With those who live close by, you might invite each other over for a drink, a meal or on an outing. With those who live further away, it takes some effort to remember to call, write or skype.

From thoughtfully remembering friends’ birthdays, to buying them a little present “just because” or sending kind messages, keeping in meaningful contact is an important part of maintaining a healthy relationship.

Are there any people you casually know now who you think could become a good friend?

Have you reached out? If you haven’t, what’s been stopping you?

Is there some sort of activity you could suggest to get things rolling? Going for a walk, having a casual coffee or taking a class together might be a good way to make a start. Show the other person you’re interested, instead of waiting for others to show you their interest. They’re probably scared, too!

A gift for you

Printable perpetual calendar

Sure, there are birthday apps and Facebook reminders, but I like to keep on top of all those birthdays the old-school way! I’ve created a perpetual calendar for you, so that you can note all your friends’ birthdays and keep them in a visible place so as to remember.

Print it out, cut each page down the middle, decorate it any way you like and simply display it from a clip anywhere you choose. If it ever gets too damaged, you can print another one out and transfer your information.

If you are not great at remembering people’s birthdays and would like to get better, you can count up the birthdays once you’ve filled out the calendar and get on a card-buying (or making!) mission for the year. I’ll admit that I’ve never been that organized, but I’m inspiring myself to get on it!

Reach out and nurture your friendships: it’s good for you and your health! 🙂